3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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