Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Who did Billy Mays play for?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i will never coherently bang her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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