Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
