My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
