How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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