Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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