I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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