Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
