I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
