yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
