we made out on top of his cat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
