I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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