I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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