i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
