I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
