Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
