I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
