fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
