i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
