We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
