Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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