does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
