I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
