now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No subtext here. People are naked.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
