The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
