I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
