Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
