I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
