i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we're making bets on your personal life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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