seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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