Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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