apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
