i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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