Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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