Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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