He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
