the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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