I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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