i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize