I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
True college students do jello shots in the library
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
