May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
