She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
