If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
