I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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