I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How external is "for external use only"?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
