whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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