you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
