he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
