my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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