During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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