Need sex. Gaining weight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
