I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
