I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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