i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
