do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
