Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
