I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
