You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
