please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
