life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize