i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
either way he was missing a nipple.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
