Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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