Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
