Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i don't like sucking hair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
