the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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