some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
