How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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