So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
