God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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