I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
