It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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