i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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