my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
