I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
