If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
