hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
