Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
