The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
