she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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