u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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