It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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