You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
