If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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