Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
