you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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