Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
