she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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