He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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