there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
