i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
