It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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