She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
