Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
