Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
