I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
