I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
