I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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