my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
