Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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