I think I died a long time ago.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
