I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
