foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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