I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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