And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
