I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it was like eating out sand paper
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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