He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were trust falling into bushes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
