my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
