so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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